This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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