We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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