i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
A+ Viking dick
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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