I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
