Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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