There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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