i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
