He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
