you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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