Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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