I just saw a hot homeless man
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
