Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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