There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
