You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
