is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
