That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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