So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Holy sore nipples Batman
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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