I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
