ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Randomize
