Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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