We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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