If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
