I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
