We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
