Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
