her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
