wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
