he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
