I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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