whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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