Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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