Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
