My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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