do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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