The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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