Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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