You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
