i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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