I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize