I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
