I want to make a zoo with you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
