Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
