Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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