I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
