I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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