Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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