you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
