is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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