Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
