I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
