i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
