I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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