he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
