rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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