I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
