Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
