i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
