she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
