watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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