I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
