those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
