If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
