I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
