she looked like the before picture.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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