Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
