You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize