I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
