her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
