If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
