sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
