He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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