well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
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