you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
be right there i have to get my cape
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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