i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
