Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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