So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
