Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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