Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
