You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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