all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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