..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
