I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Its about making memories worth repressing
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
