What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
