Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why do cheetos always look like penises
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
