I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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