omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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